So here it is… I feel like I’m balancing too many things, and I can’t do any of them well. I’m worried I’m neglecting my husband because I’m allowing myself to be too distracted by taking care of the kids and the house. But I’m also worried that my kids are not receiving the attention and care they need because I am away from them so many hours a day. And I’m frustrated that I can’t keep up with the house. There’s the understatement of the century– it’s in bad shape people! The papers, the floors, the stuff everywhere… it’s out of control! Then there’s my job. First I can’t put in extra hours when needed because I have a family that needs me more. But to make matters worse, I’m covering like 5 people’s jobs right now, so I can’t come close to doing things the way I think they should be done. Then there’s all this up in the air stuff in my life right now. I know I said I was going to trust God, but that stupid unknown is still just hanging out and being unknown. Every time I think I’ve got it figured out some new complication gets added to the mix, and it’s seriously making me crazy! I do trust that it will work itself out, but trying to be patient is not going very well for me today.So there it is. My life in all it’s imperfection. But complaining and obsessing and worrying are not helping. I don’t have all the answers and none of those things are going to bring me closer to having them. So tonight I’m going to let it all go… if only for the moment… and soak up the simple joys of my life. I’m not perfect people, but this is:
One of my former coworkers announced one day, “I’m not perfect people,” and that popped into my head today. Y’all, I’ve been having one of those times. You know the times when you feel overwhelmed. I mean, really– beyond that– where you’re spending all your energy on beating yourself up rather than on actually addressing the problem. This doesn’t seem wise, and you’re right, it’s not. But do you ever find yourself almost paralyzed into inaction because there is so much to do, and you don’t know where to start? And you’re worried and obsessing over everything? Please tell me you’ve felt this way, or if you haven’t, just don’t tell me.
Anyway, I was trying to figure out which “peppy” topic I should write about for my next post, as I am seriously overdue for a new post, and debating if I should consider writing about all this craziness going on in my head instead. I prefer to write about problems I already have the solution to so that hopefully my posts don’t come across as whiny/ depressing. Today though I did not have the answers. Today I was right smack in the middle of the problem. As I was obsessing over all these things I was fortunate enough to come across this post from Abbey, who apparently had the same debate with herself and decided to be brave enough to write about her life as it happened, not after it was cleaned up and ready to be shared. And you know what, it wasn’t whiny or depressing– just the opposite– it brightened my gloomy mood. It helped me decide that enough was enough. I was going to get off my knees, get back in the game, do the best that I can (because that’s all I can do anyway), get over my perfectionist inner voice that keeps filling me with fear of failure, and stop dwelling on my problems and generally having a bad attitude!
In light of all that, I decided to try to share with you what’s going on with me because maybe you’ve been there too, and maybe, just maybe, knowing you’re not alone will give you the strength to keep going.
Have a good weekend everyone!