Lately I feel like God is challenging me to be open to possibilities: open to buying a house or staying in our condo, open to living in another state or remaining here, open to working or staying home with my kids, open to having more children soon, later, never. Basically what he is asking is for me to trust Him and for me to be willing to go outside my comfort zone if that should be the right path.
Assuming you believe in God, you would probably answer the question do you trust Him with an easy yes. But what does trusting God really mean? Are we willing to let go of our plans and expectations for our life? Are we really willing to turn over the reigns if he asks us to? I don’t know about you, but my initial reaction is fear. Since I know God loves me and would not seek to hurt me or make me miserable, then why am I so afraid? It is scary to give up my sense of control, and I suppose I am afraid God may challenge me (to do things differently or be a better person than I’d really rather be) or that he might disagree with my oh so perfect plans (ok now Jennifer, which one of us can see the future, you or God?). So when God is calling me and I’m debating if I want to answer, I think back on the times when he’s guided the course of my life before, and the funny thing is that the times when I really do let go are when I feel the most free and at peace.
The best gifts God has given me over the years are the people he’s brought into my life. First, eleven years after I was born and as my mom was nearing 40- surprise, my brother came along. Right after my Grandpa passed away, all three of his daughters ended up pregnant. Coincidence? I think not. My Grandma loves grand kids, so it was a beautiful gift from him and God to help her through losing him. Each of those children have blessed our lives immensely, but having a brother was the most wonderful gift to my family that neither me nor my parents would have ever thought to ask for.
My baby brother with my baby boy 🙂
Shortly thereafter my family was in the process of moving and just before escrow closed on our new house the people who were supposed to buy our old house backed out. My parents had to back out of escrow on the house until they could find a new buyer for our current house, and during that short period someone else purchased the house that was supposed to be ours. We were all devastated, but it led us to a new house, which put me in a different elementary school and led me to my best friend Lisa. She has been such a huge part of my life that I don’t know who I would be if I had never met her.
Me and Lisa 🙂
Later in life I met this guy Clint that I really liked :), and I swear I heard this voice telling me, “Do whatever crazy things you must, but do not break up with him” (I’m a bit crazy to date ;)). Clint and I met shortly after his mom passed away, and I’m willing to bet that she and God schemed to bring us together. Throughout our courtship I just felt like I was being guided by a hand I trusted- funny that only later I realized I was following God.
Me and my man
As if that wasn’t enough, God has blessed us so far with two beautiful boys. Do you think they arrived on our time-table? Of course not! We were trying to get pregnant for 8 months before we conceived Parker, and then we were thinking we weren’t quite ready for a second when we found out we were pregnant with Austin. When I was waiting to conceive Parker I was panicked and when I found out I was pregnant with Austin I panicked, but now it all makes perfect sense and I couldn’t be happier with my beautiful family.
My little blessings 🙂
So when God asks me if I trust him, I know the answer is yes, and I know that even though he might take me down a different path than what I would have chosen, it will also be much better than anything I could have come up with. Now I’m not intending to stop living my life and get lost in some sort of limbo state waiting for God to tell me what to do. I have yet to have God drop down a sign with instructions (though that would be awesome), so I have found that what works best for me is to keep praying and keep walking, and know that the path will unfold.